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Moving forward INTO unknown

 

As I continue down this path of healing, I am increasingly aware of the challenges that I impose on myself.  My pride seems to get in the way ALL THE TIME!  My desire to be ahead of everyone and everything, as well as my need to be in control are what seem to cause the most problems these days.  The good news is that as I begin to reach out to others, they are able to provide love and unconditional positive regard.  It is something that I very much need.  I live and function in an environment that is entirely based on judgment of performance.  I have met that challenge and exceeded their expectations, and yet I still seem to be striving for excellence.  Excellence at what?  Who gets to judge that?



I would argue that the people that helped me get here and the people that have stood beside me as I struggle with myself, get to make that judgment.   It is for them that I live now.  It is for the next warrior that I excel.  They have proven that they will not falter in their support.  I need them.

I find myself at a point in life where my ability to pay it forward is hindered by my job.  So, what now?  My healing path takes me right into the teeth of my drug.  It's a full frontal assault on my new self and my ability to ignore the old self.  So, knowing me and my arrogant prideful attitude, I say "challenge accepted".  I will succeed.  This time I have a slew of support and love in my corner.  So, if my own willpower fails, I will not!  Men surround me who will literally hold me up as I face these demons.  It is my right, it is my desire, it is my hope and it is my healing path that forces me to face this.  I will succeed because of these people who love me regardless of the outcome!  What a concept!  It's not the end state that matters!  They simply want to see me working on me!  And for them, I will face hells fire, and come out a better person.

If you know of anyone that struggles with their purpose in life, or PTSD, feel free to send them my way.  Comment below and I will get in touch with you.  I have been given a renewed sense of purpose and a new sense of belonging through Save A Warrior.  I pay it forward by facing my old self and rising to meet the challenges that brings.

Being "Here" Now...But...

Although we suggest 'being here now' and just doing today -- say Friday, for example -- many exciting things are happening in 2014 and wanted to share them with you, as they are developing on their own; these opportunities are finding SaW...and we are incredibly grateful for the support.

Come next summer, CNN will air the hourlong documentary; THE Wall Street Journal is seeking to embed a reporter in a Project Cohort for a national story; Malibu Magazine has pushed back a feature story on SaW so that ALL of the content could be included in the article; come spring, David Lynch Foundation plans to honor SaW -- along with Director Martin Scorcese -- for servant leader excellence; Thank You For Your Service, extensively featuring SaW and our service offering debuts at The Sundance Film Festival, and on and on.

Know, from all of us here on Team SaW, that we are profoundly grateful for our growing Facebook community, because you are (and were) our first opportunity to share with our stories with you...people we know, and people we are getting to know. 

Know, too, whether we run The Project at two locations, or one day at ten (or more) locations that you will ALWAYS be welcome to come visit (just give us a heads up so we have enough soft drink, water, etc ;-)) and see our work for yourselves; we always endeavor to maintain this level of transparency and invitation; because we are you...we are you...we're the same family and we all want the same thing for our Warriors: access to life over which they will never get. They deserve that. YOU deserve that, too...and when you take the opportunity to come spend a day, or so, with us...you'll SEE it for yourself. 

So no...it doesn't matter if we get written up in the WSJ or The Merchandiser (Mountjoy peeps know what I am saying), we will always maintain our unique and boutique approach to healing: serve that Warrior standing right in front of us to the very best of our ability.  ---Jake

What a life 

DONTATE

During Thanksgiving...there is SO much for which SaW is grateful

Thanksgiving, I believe, calls for so much more than a blanket 'Happy Thanksgiving everyone!', or 'Happy Bird Day!', etc.  Thanksgiving is THE time of year for fully expressing one's gratitude (I believe ;-)), and because Save a Warrior (SaW) went operational just before last Thanksgiving (2012), I thought I'd take this opportunity to really and truly express my / our gratitude.  Here goes:

I am so grateful for every Warrior that has walked through our doors, who have placed their lives, their hearts and their well-being in our trusted care and, in doing so, teaching us at SaW the meaning of service, commitment and love. Without them, we'd be nothing..we'd still be in search of our missions and purpose in life.

I am especially grateful to the 'Shepherds' and Project Directors who go WAAAAY above and beyond -- for fun and for free(ish): Ryan Mangus, Bobby Farmer, Steve Gordon, Stephen Howell, Jr. and Tom Bean. Thank you for believing that all this was possible; that we really could go another way other than suicide; that it didn't have to end like that for our fellow Warriors.

I am so thankful for all our incredible Providers: Suzi Landolphi, Philip Folsom, Dusty Baxley, Denny Goodman, Dr. Michael Salonious, Ken Falke, Holly Cook, Lee McCormick, Cheyenne Price, Jill Starr, Jenna and Mary Murphy, Jeff Weston, Jim Cowgill, Christian Stone and Tawny Biggs.

A very special thank you to Jill Starr and Ken Falke...the ultimate 'force mulitipliers'.  No you, no me...you know what I'm saying ;-)

I am so grateful for our wonderful board of directors: John Bohlinger, Josh Goldberg, Tim Agajanian, Joe Lovelace and Ken Falke (Q2, 2014). That you would 'allow' me to have this life, to enjoy the degree of autonomy to drive this 'Ferrari' -- and not break it -- the way that you have, gives me access to a life over which I will never get. Thank you, also, for your leadership, mentorship and belief in the vision.

Thank you, also, to our incredible supporters in and around Malibu, CA., and Boulder Crest Retreat in Bluemont, VA: Bill and Judith at The Malibu Kitchen, Aaron Brill at Chipotle, D'Amore's Pizza, CeCe at Grom's, Ashley at Nikita's, Glen Gerson at Calamigos Ranch and Paradise Cove, John Bard from Camp Hess Kramer, Wilshire Boulevard Temple, Subway, Cirque Du Soleil, Arlington National Cemetery, Loudon County Equestrian Center, BIG Heart Ranch, Fulcrum Adventures, Erin Rusler of Logorama, Avon Rent-a-Car, USO LAX, Duke's of Malibu, Norrell Walker, Kristine Petersen, Martin Juarez, Patricia Garcia of McKesson (SoCal DC), and many, many others who escape my short-term memory.

To our generous  financial sponsors of this year's SaW Project Cohorts: Rolex, McKesson Military Resource Group (WEST), Caroline Sharpe, Duncan Neiderauer, Bert Ellis, Rehanna Farrell, Ken Falke, Kevin Lynch and Ed Wilson -- thank you so much for what you gave. You could've have chosen to support anyone, or any organization, and you were moved to support SaW. You changed and saved the lives of our Warriors...82 at latest count!!!...and we -- and their families, loved ones and units -- are so grateful for what you have done. Thank you!

May all of you have a wonderful day of giving thanks, knowing that you have touched the lives of so many who are so deserving. We PROMISE to continue paying it forward!

Happy Thanksgiving!

-- jake

My Journey - Cohort 007

Save A Warrior- Cohort 007

October 20 – 25, 2013 – Malibu California

My journey of going to Malibu for witnessing and being present at the Save a Warrior, Cohort 007 started in September 2013 in South Dakota on the Pine Ridge Reservation. I flew from my home country, The Netherlands, to South Dakota to be a volunteer at a gentle round up of rescued Wild Mustangs. There I had the privilege to meet Lance Wilson. Lance is a veteran who is healing from his PTS and who participated in the first cohort of Save a Warrior. Lance told me his story and the extraordinary things that are happening to him ever since he participated in the program Save a Warrior (SaW) offers to veterans. Lance touched my heart profoundly with his great sense of humor, his new acclaimed ‘joie du vivre’ and his open mindset and true friendship. We worked together side by side for a week and I feel so honored to have gotten to know Lance or as I call him, Mr. Bama!  Lance also spiked a genuine interest for me to understand and learn more about this program and how it is so much different than all the other programs offered to veterans. It is truly different in the whole approach, content and care and so enormously effective. Lance kept on talking about Jake and how Jake has saved his life. I intuitively understood Lance truly meant what he said and I just felt this strong urge to contact Jake myself to learn more about Save a Warrior. And so I did…..and a month and a half later I arrived in Malibu with my 7 year old daughter, Zoë to be present at Cohort 007.

Tear off the mask, your face is Glorious.    ~Rumi

I was cordially invited by Jake to be at the first night’s dinner of Cohort 007. Ten guys were in the Cohort and it was indeed 10 individual guys I got to meet that evening. Not a group, certainly not a team, let alone a brotherhood. Being Dutch, I am used to introducing myself in a new group so I just went round the table to do just that, but got little response. Each of the guys were seriously not in the mood nor mindset to shake my hand. Their eyes downcast, all a bit tense and really more in keeping to themselves, hardly connecting. I understood instantly that these guys were suffering, they had just started this Cohort earlier the afternoon and were in the midst of taking everything in, trying to keep themselves together and just be. I realized then and there that Jake and his staff had some serious work to do and that the un-breaking of hearts is probably one of the toughest jobs in the world.

Tuesday I joined the Cohort as they set out to climb Point Dume near Zuma Beach. I was amazed by the difference in energy in the group. As the 10 Warriors arrived at the beach I saw them hanging out together, talking, smiling, and supporting each other. From being a separate individual on that first night I witnessed a group of guys connecting with each other. It actually gave me goose bumps, because something profound had changed just in over one day. I was the person taking the photos of each Warrior climbing the rock at Point Dume.  I had the privilege to observe them up close and personal and it was a beautiful thing to do as I saw a spark ignite in each one of them. Still struggling…yes!  Still sometimes a bit reserved…yes!  But at the same time I saw this look of wonder and each one of them carefully began opening up. I believe their new meditation practice was key in this whole shift of energy and outlook on life.

"If your eyes are opened,you'll see the things worth seeing." ~Rumi

The next day the Cohort set out to Big Heart Ranch and the great Suzi Landolphi. A day filled with the Cohort connecting with animals (chicken, alpaca’s, little ponies and the giant horse Goliath). And there I saw something different again. From a group I witnessed and actually felt a new awareness and a new energy in the group…. a brotherhood in the making. Eyes clear, open and a lot of support towards each other. It moved me deeply to see this.

Un-breaking of hearts can be done, and much more than ‘just’  un-breaking them, but healing them and opening eyes to see the things worth seeing. The fun, love, support and cooperation between these 10 great Warriors as we all participated in a fun group exercise was just tangible.

My last day with the group was the day we went up to Camp Hess Kramer on top of a canyon overlooking the Pacific Ocean for the high ropes course. That day has changed me for the rest of my life for sure.  I had the honor to see the Warriors walk on ropes high up in the air in pairs, walk across a wooden pole as if they were walking on the ground and the grand finale with the Leap of Faith. They were coached in such a loving way, explaining to them about anxiety and exhilaration how to move from one to the other.  What to do when the adrenaline kicked in, how to take it slow, not rush.  How to literally stand still and feel, not rushing but pausing and so much more. But mostly the mantra all day was: “We have got you, you are safe, you are safe”.

And there emerged this strong band of brothers, speaking to each other words of encouragement, of love of support of friendship. The words came down as whispering rain helping each Warrior to arise from his roots again and feel the exhilaration of literally transitioning and becoming again who they really are.

I have seen the difference, I have felt the difference and I know Save a Warrior makes that difference. Because each one of these Warriors have been given the tools to own their lives again, to start walking the path of healing and to have this brotherhood, a bond for life to ask for support whenever they need it. I honestly feel humbled and honored to have been allowed to be part of this group for a few days, for Jake Clark putting this out in the world and literally saving lives. What an extraordinary group of men I had the privilege to meet. They are all in my heart forever, because they so graciously allowed me to be there and be witness of their healing process. Beautiful strong men, who in softness, honesty and openness found a new way to own their lives and allow themselves to be happy again.

“As you start to walk out on the way, the way appears.” ~ Rumi

Thank you Clara te Velthuis-Vrielink for sharing your experience and for being a valuable member of our community.

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Any News Is Good News

                                                 

ANY NEWS IS GOOD NEWS

I have struggled in the past to have faith in people in general. Jake taught me that I don't have to have faith in all people but in my community and the people working for me. I took a leap of faith and did as he asked. Today I received a call from my attorney about my disability claims. The news was not "good" news. But I looked at as Good News because I left the attorneys to do there thing and worried about other things that I can control or have an impact on. The news was good to me because it showed me that the process is moving and all I had to do is have faith that people are fighting for me and I don't have to do it alone.

Made by my 10y/o son after the Sandy Hook Shooting

So today I am feeling super good and have hope. I have Jake, and all the Warriors and providers to thank for that. I have recently had the privilege of helping in Cohort 006 and soon Cohort 008. These experiences have and will further my healing by helping others.

Even though I do not know for sure what the future is for me, I know it will involve SAW and helping others. I have started to think about what training and/or schooling I want to do, to refine my ability to help. I have already started the ground work for a HIGH (Horse Inspired Growth and Healing) program here in CT. (Thanks Suzi)

So I decided to write this BLOG today, as a way of me having Faith in my community and sharing the lesson of faith that I have learned. Because even if I was told the worse news possible about what could happen, I  know now that I can't control or change certain things. That allows me to take any news, process it at face value, and make a decision on my direction based upon that. Being able to have a direction forward is important because the past is the past. We can not reuse the roads from the past if we want to heal. We must make new roads that have no scarring to have a better future. The past is to be remembered not relived.



Special Thanks to Chris Eder for creating this BLOG.

                                                       http://www.saveawarrior.org/donate/

Words

WORDS

A Poem

When I need you the most...you escape me

When I want you to stay away you roar with hate.

When I try to listen for context you're silent

When I want you to be silent...all you do is roar.

At night you wake me up

During the day you're asleep.

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