As I continue down this path of healing, I am increasingly aware of the challenges that I impose on myself. My pride seems to get in the way ALL THE TIME! My desire to be ahead of everyone and everything, as well as my need to be in control are what seem to cause the most problems these days. The good news is that as I begin to reach out to others, they are able to provide love and unconditional positive regard. It is something that I very much need. I live and function in an environment that is entirely based on judgment of performance. I have met that challenge and exceeded their expectations, and yet I still seem to be striving for excellence. Excellence at what? Who gets to judge that?
I find myself at a point in life where my ability to pay it forward is hindered by my job. So, what now? My healing path takes me right into the teeth of my drug. It's a full frontal assault on my new self and my ability to ignore the old self. So, knowing me and my arrogant prideful attitude, I say "challenge accepted". I will succeed. This time I have a slew of support and love in my corner. So, if my own willpower fails, I will not! Men surround me who will literally hold me up as I face these demons. It is my right, it is my desire, it is my hope and it is my healing path that forces me to face this. I will succeed because of these people who love me regardless of the outcome! What a concept! It's not the end state that matters! They simply want to see me working on me! And for them, I will face hells fire, and come out a better person.
If you know of anyone that struggles with their purpose in life, or PTSD, feel free to send them my way. Comment below and I will get in touch with you. I have been given a renewed sense of purpose and a new sense of belonging through Save A Warrior. I pay it forward by facing my old self and rising to meet the challenges that brings.
Right next to you in the face of hells fire!
ReplyDeleteI know you are brother. Thank you for standing with me.
ReplyDeleteYou are such a strong warrior, Steve and set such a great example for others to follow. Your commitment to 'do the work' has been unwavering and although it has been extremely hard at times, you've continued to set the example by leaning on your brothers for support. Nobody can do it alone, and nobody should FEEL like they have to do it alone. You have a long line of people standing right behind you, willing to shoulder any burden you wish to unload. I don't think it's a coincidence you were put in my life. I see a lot of my missing pieces in you. You make me want to be a better man. For that... I am eternally grateful. Stay strong and stay in the fight. You are doing this world a LOT of good.
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